Posts Tagged ‘Humour’

At Last!

02/06/2009

For some weeks now, he would creep in at weird hours of the night. Actually more like the wee hours of the morning. He’d tiptoe in to try not to wake me up. But I would know.

Then I would turn and try to go back to sleep.

But Hubby wasn’t alone.

My son was the another. He would look bleary-eyed as he set out for his (temp) work.

But those days are over now now. Phew.

What am I referring to?

That crazy football season, that’s what! I was soooo close to getting another LCD TV because of this!

Hmmm perhaps I should have done it anyway! Now I have to find another excuse to get one!

Top of the Hill

27/05/2009

My dog has discovered the pile of bricks stacked near his new sleeping place. When I come home from work, he will perch there, looking every inch proud of his elevated status. Reminds me of the lyrics song which goes, “…I’m at the top of heap, king of the hill…” sung by old blue eyes.

Ah yes, New York. That is some place. Someone told me that if you go there, there are some places which you must not miss. Miss Liberty of course is one.

The other would be the just-as-famous New York Yankees. Apparently it is not easy to get New York Yankees tickets. BUT if you are willing to pay… anything can happen!

For me, I would be happy just to get a free trip there!

I think I will move my dog. Otherwise those same few lines of the song will reverberate each time I see him….

An Even Easier Way?

24/04/2009

Guess what!

(No, I am not pregnant, Sue!)

Give me a drumroll!

Folks, I found a simple, quick fix, super duper solution to my disproportionate problems! And I mean quick! In a mere matter of minutes I can totally change my proportion to the hourglass figure desired by many!

The only drawback is that the change is not permanent.

Are you seated properly? Do you want to know my secret?

Of course, once I post it here, it won’t be a secret anymore!

OK, OK, I can hear some of you going, “TELL ME WOMAN!”

So here goes.

The secret is just two words – axfords corsets.

Seriously! Go check it out! Awesome!

Now if the rest of me would match the rest of those models. Hahahaha!

I Hurt

22/04/2009

My calves hurt.

My butt is protesting.

My thighs scream. My quadracepts, to be precise. are yelling and joining in the chorus of dissent.

And all this is because I went to the gym!

I thought it was a lapse of 5 months. But Hubby reminded me that it is two YEARS! NO Wonder I am aching so much! I overdid it I guess.

That was yesterday.

Today we went again and I just walked for about 25 mins, then went into the swimming pool.

Now I still ache but feel better.  It would be even better if I had done my hair up properly! But now it looks like an untamable mop.

And it’s time for bed.

I wonder how stiff I will be at dawn. Will I be able to get out of bed?

It’s after midnight now. I shall hit the sack and find out in six hours’ time!

Trying to Go in Peace

04/04/2009

I went on a trip. (I mean a journey. Not the chemically-induced trip!)

Along the way, I had to go and do what comes naturally. Different places use different phrases to try to describe this essential part of life – Doing the numbers one or two; Sitting on the throne; Spending a penny are some of the more delicate phrases used.

However you want to put it, essentially all living things need to do this – they have to excrete waste products at the end of their alimentary circuit. And I was no different, being in case you havent realised human myself (in case you hadn’t noticed).

Anyway, so I went down this corridor.

toilet01Seemed nice enough.

I entered a clean, brightly lit room. Even nicer.

Then I encountered this, this, THIS thing!

toilet02Don’t let it fool you. It might LOOK like an ordinary toilet, but it isn’t!

It is one of those new fangled inventions – the dreaded self-flushing toilet!

I am certain there are many who love such a creation. Imagine never having to touch the toilet handle were others have touched before. That would be a clean freak’s dream come true.

Whoever invented this version however, is not only Clean Freak’s friend – also Speedy Gonzales’ friend!

Before I continue, let me assure you that I am not a “long-term” visitor to such places. I repeat, I am not.

But try telling this contraption!

Folks, while I was trying my best to do what a gal has to do, this over-enthusiastic THING flushed on me! No, not once. Not even twice! It flushed THREE times before I could even complete my job!

Now you see why I had to take a photo of it!

Just beware if you head south of West Malaysia, close to the border. It lives there………….

A Monkey Story

24/03/2009

This is a silly old but fun story. Enjoy….

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under the trees, and left his basket of hats by his side.

A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken his hats. He sat down and thought of how he could get his hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his right arm.

To his surprise, he noticed the monkeys doing the same thing.

So he took off his own hat (which was still on his head), the monkeys did exactly the same thing.

An idea came to him – he took his hat and threw it on the ground! And yes the monkeys did so too! Thus he finally managed to get all his hats back.

But the story does not end here.

Fifty years later, his grandson also became a hat-seller. He had this monkey story from his father when one day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he too, took a nap under a tree and left the hats on the grass. He woke up and suddenly realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.

He remembered his grandfather’ s story, so he decided to check it out.

He scratched his head and the monkeys did likewise.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys did the same.

Now, very convinced of his grandfather’ s method, he threw his hat on the floor!

But to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to their hats!!!

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said.”Do you think only you had a grandfather?”

(I did say it was silly didn’t I? Did you chuckle?)

The One That Got Away….

06/03/2009

It was a gift.

From the neighbour.

We looked forward to having it.

cockerel1Then during the process of tying him up, he fought and the long story cut short is that, yes, he got away.

Somewhere in the jungle of my back garden and the flora next to our house is the meat for our Chinese herbal soup.

To Curse Someone

07/02/2009

Lost for words to make a smart remark especially to see off your enemies?

Need to curse something or someone quickly and yet Biblically?

Put an end to your shortcomings!

Make a click to to the Amazing Biblical Curse Generator!

This site has amazing and powerful smackdowns by powerful orators such as the prophets Elijah and Jeremiah. With such awesome precedence, one can expect to improve one’s repertoire overnight!

Just remember – they said it first, so make correct credits!

(Laughing aloud as I post this)

OUCH!

05/02/2009

WARNING: If you are the squamish sort, please do not read any further.

(OF COURSE you are going to keep on reading right?!)

I was having problems with my shoes. So I thought it was about time to get a new pair.

I like my shoes black or white. It makes matching of my bags easier, especially when you don’t have a big budget like Imelda Marcos did or Paris Hilton does (she has one THOUSAND pairs?!)

However, if you are anything like me, you dread the idea of shopping, especially for shoes. Perhaps it is because as I get older I get more particular (read “fussy”) I find it almost impossible to get a good pair and when I do, my size is often out of stock.

Hence it was with trepidation I set off one afternoon.

Two hours I walked.

By the time I finished, I got a blister at the back of my right heel and I didn’t realise it. My feet were so uncomfortable that I didn’t know!

By the time I found out, the blister had broke.

So I had to let it heal.

But before it got totally healed, I wore a pair of closed shoes.

Yes, it got worse.

(And here is what you have been waiting for)

The picture on the left (#1) is when it was healing. The one on the right (#2) is where it got worse again.

Do you wonder why I am staying off my regular shoes for a while! blister

Down! Down! Down!

29/01/2009

I refer to the scales of course. The weighing scales. My (current) perpetual enemy! That needle keeps pointing to the higher numbers. I want it to go down, down DOWN!

But in all honesty, I suppose I should pat myself on the back. It’s not been too bad really.

I have been pigging away since last year. Considering that, and this current season where I have baked more than 700 cupcakes (mini ones included), I think it’s still all right. I think about the pork trotter in vinegar ladened with fatty skin, the brownies full of pure butter, the curry chicken that my household help makes, the fried fish crackers that fill three tins…. the dreaded list goes on!

Would you like to know the grand total of increase since I started this season of eating?

Drumrrrrrroll

(Do you want it in pounds or kilograms? Never mind, I’ll give you both!)

More drumrrrrrroll

I stood on the scales yesterday and today. They tell me that I have gained….

… two,

I repeat

two pounds.

That’s about one kilogram.

Do I hear cheers? Do I hear fireworks going off?

Ah, must be from the neighbours outside.

I need to lose that extra extra quick!